House's Halloween
by ForensicDuelist4137
Summary: A funny little oneshot I thought up the other day about how House would celebrate Halloween. Give me a chance, R&R!


House's Trick or Treat  
A Halloween One-Shot  
By: ForensicDuelist4137

Disclaimer: I don't own House or anything related to this fic. I just came up with the general idea, and ran with it. Happy Halloween!

Note: House is going to use a mock German accent at one point. For reference, his"v" is our "w", his "z" or "s" is our "th" and "unt" is to say "and".

"No way." Dr. Chase stood at the clinic board in amazement, and was joined by his colleagues. "Cameron, Foreman, you need to see this."

"What is it?" Cameron asked from her seat in the adjacent room. The brunette doctor was puzzled as to why the Aussie was so flustered.

"House _volunteered_ for clinic duty on Tuesday. He never volunteers for clinic duty. EVER. Something's wrong with him, or he's getting blackmailed." Chase said, eyes still transfixed on the board.

"Lemme see this." Foreman said as the African-American member of House's "ducklings", as he called them, checked the board for himself. "Oh crap…Chase, nothing's wrong with him, just the dates. Do you realize know what Tuesday is?"

"October…31st. Why? Is that the anniversary of his divorce or something?" Clearly the Melbourne native hadn't the faintest clue of what was to come.

"It's a holiday called Halloween." Cameron explained while getting up "Basically, the kids dress up in goofy or scary costumes and go around their neighborhoods that night asking for candy. If House is doing clinic duty that day, he's got something big planned…and I for one don't want to find out." She then she straightened her blouse and walked toward the main administration office. "I'm going to Dr. Cuddy; maybe she'll be able to convince him to do a different day."

"Not happening. Cuddy specifically let me take that day for clinic duty." Dr. Greg House, in all his gimpy glory, hobbled into the office, with a sly grin on his face. "Sit down, Cameron, we've got a big day tomorrow. And by 'we', I mean 'me.' Now, are there any cases left?" when no one said anything, House concluded with "Well, meeting adjourned. Good night, everyone." The ducklings filed out, leaving House alone with his cane, his trusty bottle of Vicodin, and his same old smirk. "Let's see what I can do this year…"

"The next day, House's ducklings waited in the office with apprehension, hoping that they wouldn't be too embarrassed of their "fearless leader". To their relative relief, the Head Doctor of PPTH came in clad in a white lab coat, white shirt, black pants, and thick black glasses. The only thing wildly out of place was a jet-black wig, and it looked like House had slept in it and didn't make any attempt to comb it before work…

"Velcome." House said in a bad German accent. "I am Doctor Victor House-kenstein, mad genius scientist and medical doctor von doctor. Who is ready for ze day?" He hobbled over to the coffee pot when Foreman called him.

"Umm…House?" Foreman asked inquisitively "Doesn't Frankenstein have black hair, green skin, and a boxy head with bolts in the neck?" he modeled such with a zombie-like walk, earning a rap from House's cane.

"Nien. Frankenstein is ze doctor that made ze monster, not ze monster itself. Unt by ze vay, don't break my cane. Can't you see zat I'm a cripple?" House-kenstein said, continuing the mock German. "It iz a common mistake. Ze monster itself actually has no name. Now then, are ve ready?" The ducklings stared at each other, and two words could describe each of their feelings: Anime Sweatdrop.

"So, you are coughing, your nose is clogged up, and you can't taste anything?" House-kenstein said, continuing his farce. "Simple. You have a cold. Take some cough syrup and it vill go avay in about a veek. Next! ...Hmm…stomach-ache after getting into the candy too soon? Zat is not something you go to a hospital for! Get out before I use you for my creation! NEXT! No voice, hurts to drink anysing, svollen lymph nodes…you have strep throat. Take some penicillin and you'll be fine by Thanksgiving." House went on for hours, thoroughly enjoying his act, but the "coup de grace" was about ready to go into motion…

"House, you've been holed up in the break-room since 5:00! Let us in!" Cameron shouted from the other side of the locked door. But House, being his normal snarky self, wouldn't let them in. "C'mon house, we know you're there…let us in before we break down the door!" House complied and let the door creak open, revealing what he had really done with all his free time. The first thing that was noticed was that House had put black construction paper on all the overhead lights and drawn all the curtains. Then there was the fog machine in the corner, spewing out the translucent stuff. And finally, on the big table, lay what could only be described as a…

"Monster." Chase said in awe. "House made a monster, just like Frankenstein did! How the heck did you pull it off?"

"Pull what off?" Cuddy had just walked in and jumped three feet into the air. "Acckk! House, what in God's name did you do?!?!?!?!?"

"Vat I did is make a creature, another living being for our…entertainment, if you vill. I take it you have read Mary Shelley's Frankenstein?" House was very pleased at how well the team was taking this, until Foreman asked the pivotal question. Oh, how House waited for someone to ask him…

"What's so 'living' about it? Looks pretty dead to me…" Foreman said, taking a closer look at the mass of cadaver parts, examining each until the left arm shot up into the air. "What the…it's actually alive!"

"You see? I have done it." House claimed with an evil laugh. "Vat do you sink of me now?" the spectators clamored around the body, marveling at how House pulled off one of the most famous sci-fi special effects in literary history. House just took a seat in the corner and laughed, saying to himself, "Bio-animatronics, you are my new best friend…"

…You actually thought he pulled it off??? PSYCHE!

Happy Halloween!


End file.
